In my last blog I asked about looking back and wishing you could do something in your past differently and then applying that to today. Maybe you gave that some thought and began to plan some things you recognize as needed changes. Maybe you are beginning to use your time more wisely. Or, you could be putting your mind to better use by reading and studying more useful things. One thing that a lot of people talk about is wishing that they had learned a new language. So? Start today!

Here is one other area that I suppose most, if not all, of us could benefit from. Something that I have learned along the way is that I could love others better. Let me give you a parallel: when I was in school, I was an average student. I didn’t get, or even expect, straight A’s, although that would have been nice! This was true of me through high school, college and seminary. I recognize this about myself: I was an average student…until I learned how to study. When I figured out more about how to read to retain the material, I felt like I opened up a whole new vista of learning and understanding.

Now, apply that same thinking to loving others. Here’s the way most people look at love: “I love you for what you do for me.” This mentality is one of the reasons that I have couples in my office asking for help. One of the partners doesn’t feel like the other is doing enough for them or they aren’t doing things the way the other wants them done. So, they come asking me to fix their partner, rather than asking how to work on themselves. Here’s what I know: loving others ought to be about showing love, not expecting love. Do you want to be loving? Quit expecting love and start showing love. Start giving love. Prayerfully work toward a selfless attitude.

This will result in the same thing I figured out about learning. I had to learn how to study and retain information. I could have stayed in the same average mentality and been satisfied with that, but I didn’t. I saw the shortcomings of that attitude. In order to love differently, I had to learn how to love all over again. I had to learn how to focus on showing love rather than expecting love. I practiced giving more attention, compliments and understanding than before. Rather than looking for what someone else could do for me I began to prioritize them which communicated that I valued and loved them.

I want you to understand that this new attitude about showing love didn’t come about because a relationship was bad. It came about because I saw more truth about myself. I hope that this will become true of you as well. A bad relationship can improve because you love differently. A good relationship can be better and a great relationship can blossom into more than you ever hoped for.

Don’t wait until the walls come crashing down in a relationship. Begin to love differently. And as always, start today.

Chuck Phillips

Life Choices Christian Counseling,LLC

Licensed Christian Pastoral Counselor, N.C.C.A.

Board Certified Professional Life Coach, I.B.C.C.

LifeChoicesCLC.Com LifeChoicesCLC@gmail.com

573-280-5093