One of the ideas that I was recently reminded of is the concept of dehabituation and rehabituation. I rather doubt that you’ve used either of these words…maybe ever! Let me explain something else that I have learned along the way…

One of the changes that may be needed in a counseling or coaching situation is the need to stop some particular practice or habit. For whatever reason it might be doing harm to a situation, or relationship. It could be the use of pornography or alcohol. It might be uncontrolled anger. Stopping the habitual practice is dehabituation. But stopping the bad practice isn’t all there is to it. It is important to replace the old with the new. That is rehabituation.

But enough with the technical terms. What does this have to do with compliments? Just as it is important to replace old, harmful and negative habits with new and positive ones (like replacing the overuse of alcohol with sobriety), it is vitally important to replace harsh, critical words with positive, complementary ones. I want to emphasize that this truth is not intended just for women, as if they are the “fair sex” and in need of sweet words. I have never met a man who did not appreciate words of affirmation, or compliments.

According to Scripture our words are to be used to build up, or edify, others. Here’s what Paul wrote to the Ephesian church: “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification, according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear” (NASV). Stopping the unwholesome word is dehabituation. Replacing that with edifying words is rehabituation.

I want to encourage you to be intentional with the words you speak. Isn’t it a contradiction when you say that you love someone but speak harshly to them? Replace the harsh words with words that are at least calm, then moving more to words that are kind and loving. I will admit that for those who have lived with a mindset of harshness, this will take time and practice, but remember that love is longsuffering. They are worth the effort. Their happiness is worth you paying more attention to your words and making the effort to be in control of your emotions.

Always remember that compliments cost nothing but have high value. Give it a try.

Chuck Phillips

Life Choices Christian Counseling,LLC

Licensed Christian Pastoral Counselor, N.C.C.A.

Board Certified Professional Life Coach, I.B.C.C.

LifeChoicesCLC.Com LifeChoicesCLC@gmail.com

573-280-5093

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I am pleased to announce that my newest book is now available. “What Fills Your Heart: How the condition of your heart shapes your life” is available on Amazon. This is based on Proverbs 4.23 which says, “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” In it I give a series of contrasts which will guide you to seeing yourself more accurately, such as: Fear or Faith? Joy or Sorrow? Proverbial Man or Prodigal Son? and others. You can find it here: https://a.co/d/0i1Rc2US