In addition to learning that I’m not always right, that it is important to stay healthy, and that loneliness is a scourge on our society, there’s another thing that I have learned along the way: In many, if not most, cases more words is better than less words. It should be obvious that more words isn’t better in the midst of an argument or an all-out battle unless those words can be spoken with a sense of calm rather than an attack mode.

I want you to see that more words is better than less words because when we speak more words in the hope of building toward better communication this should lead to better understanding. Many times, in counseling situations, I have urged couples to work toward more words in order to help them to see that there is benefit to listening to one another. But there’s nothing to listen to if someone isn’t willing to risk speaking more words. If they remain stuck in a defensive posture they aren’t listening, hence, they are not communicating.

However, when we make the emotional choice to speak from the heart, with no desire to attack, but to seek to understand and to be understood, we give ourselves the chance to move toward healing and a return to treating one another with grace.

In no way is this limited to a marriage situation. In any, and every, relationship more words is often just what is needed to bring healing and restoration. When one, or both, persons in a relationship refuse to face one another simply to hear one another out, there can remain nothing less than animosity and sometimes hatred. One person may be totally willing to seek restoration, and perhaps forgiveness, but their words go unheard and unheeded if the other person(s) close their ears to the opportunity for relationship.

Sometimes this is out of hurt; sometimes anger; sometimes resentment. The motive isn’t the issue here. The issue is a heart condition. No matter what type of relationship is in consideration, where there is bitterness there can often be no healing, no grace, no godliness.

Here’s one scenario to consider: If you are given the chance, you be the one to humble yourself and be willing to speak more words. This isn’t a time for defending your position. If given the chance, this is your opportunity to seek resolution, restoration and the healing of the relationship. Make your words count. You must determine if this is not only the right thing to do, but if the relationship is worth this emotional effort. But take it one step further: You must decide if this is what God wants you to do. Does the Bible teach us to humble ourselves? Are there verses that tell us to speak words for edification and to build one another up? Are we called to forgive as we have been forgiven? Are there Biblical teachings that we are to leave our offering before God while we seek reconciliation?

If you know the answers to all of these questions, then you know what to do: Speak more words while you seek healing and restoration.

Chuck Phillips

Life Choices Christian Counseling,LLC

Licensed Christian Pastoral Counselor, N.C.C.A.

Board Certified Professional Life Coach, I.B.C.C.

LifeChoicesCLC.Com LifeChoicesCLC@gmail.com

573-280-5093