Another in the series of things I’ve learned along the way…I have found that it is important to be clear in the things I am trying to communicate. It doesn’t matter if this is with my wife, other family members, Life Group participants, or others. Here’s why…

I am convinced that words are important. So much so that I have often referred to myself as a wordsmith. In other words, I want to make it my practice to choose my words carefully so as to leave little to no room for assumption or misunderstanding. I freely admit that I am not a numbers guy. Math in every form was the bane of my existence at every level of schooling. At best I am average when it comes to math skills. I’m okay with that (as long as I have a calculator!). I make it my aim to more than compensate with verbal skills.

I have found that the more emphasis I make on clarity in that things I say, the less often I am engulfed in verbal struggles, or arguments. Not only that, but I make every effort to ask about what others are trying to communicate to me in order to keep the peace and avoid misunderstandings. This goes a long way in keeping things clear with others. And it doesn’t mean that I necessarily pick their words apart. I just reflect back to them what I just heard so I can be clear about what is the point of the conversation.

So, how can you learn to be clear when you are talking to others? First, choose your words carefully. You purpose should not be to antagonize but to communicate. Don’t speak without thinking about the impact of your words. Remember, communication can be like a chess match. You will do well to consider one or two moves in advance. Next, be aware of the emotions behind what you are trying to say. Your tone of voice communicates volumes beyond your words alone. This takes us back to emotional control, or emotional regulation. This is a choice that can be hard to make, but it is worth the effort! Finally, speak with a listening ear. Don’t make everything about defending your position. You may be 100% right, but you don’t need to prove it. Be willing to listen in order to give the other person’s words some validity. When you take the time to listen to each other, then you are showing that you value one another.

Things I’ve learned along the way. Do I practice this perfectly all the time? Goodness no! But is it my aim? Goodness yes! The others in my life are worth it.

Be aware that this is a learned skill. For more about it you can contact me with the information listed below. Counseling and Life Coaching are available.

Chuck Phillips

Life Choices Christian Counseling,LLC

Licensed Christian Pastoral Counselor, N.C.C.A.

Board Certified Professional Life Coach, I.B.C.C.

LifeChoicesCLC.Com LifeChoicesCLC@gmail.com

573-280-5093