I was writing to one of you recently and made the comment that emotional change comes slowly. Without trying to overstate this, I would say that this is a revelation to many people. There are two ways to look at this and I’m not sure that many people have thought of either.

First, let’s consider that emotions can, in fact, change. This is without a doubt something that I have learned along the way. I was pretty well stuck in the idea that my emotions were just what they were. No changes. Nothing to give any thought to. Unlike the possibility of strengthening muscles, I saw emotions as static. Unchanging. When you think about this, there is an element of arrogance to it thinking that others can just take it or leave it when it comes to your emotional expressions.

Let me give you an example: Years ago, in my younger adult years I would classify myself as a world class pouter. Do you ever pout? You know what I mean. Getting quiet when You don’t get your way. Being angry on the inside but silent on the outside. Yeah, you get it. Well, I knew this was true about myself and accepted this as “just the way I am”. That is, until I was confronted with it being inappropriate. I was shutting myself off from others just because I didn’t get my way. Having been confronted with this I had to face the reality that my emotions could change.

Second, and this is maybe the harder fact to accept, emotional change comes slowly. We don’t wake up one morning and find ourselves in an emotional revolution. We might wake up with the commitment to begin change, but that change comes as a sort of evolution. Back to my pouting example: Even though I had face the fact that I should refrain from pouting there were times when I started to pout again. It takes an effort of the will to keep at it, especially when you really want to make others aware of your displeasure by putting on a display of silent anger. So, it took some time to get past it. So, you might way that I am a recovering pouter! Probably 40 years in Pouters Annonymous!

What emotions do you need to work on? There are some emotions that you will want to reinforce and some you will want to begin the process of changing. I have learned along the way that emotional change not only takes time, but it is healthy! Don’t allow yourself to become emotionally stagnant thinking that that’s all there is and there is no more. You can do this. You can learn to love. You can learn to show patience. You can learn to silence your dissatisfaction while celebrating the successes of others. As the Bible says, you can be angry but not sin.

Why would you do this? For the peace of heart and mind that this offers you. For the love that you want to give to others and to be able to receive from them. For the grace that your spouse is dying to receive and to give back to you. Does it happen overnight? Rarely. Does it happen with consistent effort and concentration? Yes, almost always. Here’s the kicker: none of this will happen until you make the choice. Start today. Continue tomorrow and all the tomorrow’s after that.

Chuck Phillips

Life Choices Christian Counseling,LLC

Licensed Christian Pastoral Counselor, N.C.C.A.

Board Certified Professional Life Coach, I.B.C.C.

LifeChoicesCLC.Com LifeChoicesCLC@gmail.com

573-280-5093