I’m sitting here, Christmas Eve 2024, looking at gifts under the tree and thinking about what we’ve given, planned to give or wish we could give to family and friends. It’s too bad that Christmas has turned into such a commercial holiday, but that’s nothing new, is it? I suppose that we have no one to blame but ourselves since we keep buying so we can keep giving. It’s as if the buying and giving are required as expressions of love. But are they?

I went to sleep last night thinking about this. I know one article won’t change the national mindset about Christmas. But I am hoping that this article can effect change beyond Christmas for some of us. This year is almost done so I think we’re justified in looking into 2025. Let’s look at December 26 going into the New Year. What kinds of gift-giving might be important then?

As I age I am noticing some slippage in my memory. I want to be good at gift-giving, but I am not all that great when it comes down to the last minute, trying to remember what someone really wants. So I take notes. Rather than trying to remember, I make a list (hoping to keep it hidden) and try to add to it throughout the year. This helps me when buying material things for gift-giving.

I think it’s fair to say that everyone loves receiving a gift. Probably some more than others. So, what can we do that will be most pleasing to others: giving material gifts or giving other kinds of gifts that reinforce our love? Do we make a better impression giving a gift that cost some money or giving of ourselves emotionally? I have been reading a lot recently about fathers and children. The greatest impression isn’t made by giving more and more material things. The greatest impact is made by giving time, encouragement, teaching. It’s always tragic when a child grows up expecting more “stuff” but having no expectation of a deepening relationship with a parent.

Now, apply that same concept to a marriage relationship. If you could buy that big diamond or find ways to communicate love and an emotional connection, which would you do? Better yet, which would your mate prefer? According to the old ad, diamonds are forever (probably) but it will be put on and taken off, put in a jewelry box, maybe taken out for special occasions. But the love that we communicate with our mate is always in their heart. It isn’t taken off and on. And being consistent and sincere, it will grow and be on display all through our relationship.

One more thing: this kind of gift-giving doesn’t need a special occasion. You don’t have to wait for a birthday, Valentine’s Day or Christmas. A meaningful word every day works. Encouragement and support all through the year are good. Loving them enough to know their Love Language and then making effort to speak it makes a major difference.

So, how will you practice giving gifts in the New Year? Pay attention to what make a difference to them. Remember it. Write it down! Then, do it. Give love more than material things. And there’s one more thing…Consider giving yourself a gift this year looking at ways that you can improve yourself. That might be focusing on self-care like exercise or healthy eating habits. It might be self improvement like reading those books you’ve been planning to get to for some time. Keep in mind that our self improvements end up being another gift to our mate. And, after all, aren’t they worth it?

As you continue in your love relationship with your mate I’m here to lend you a helping hand in reaching your goals of building a strong, healthy and emotionally vibrant relationship! Contact me if I can be of assistance to you.

Chuck Phillips, Licensed Christian Pastoral Counselor, N.C.C.A. Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, I.B.C.C.

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