There are lots of folks who look at marriage and relationships as a means of having their own needs met. I’m sure that I would have fit into that description in my younger years. I have worked to leave that selfish aspect of my life behind especially as it relates to marriage. We could spend lots of time illustrating ways in which people use marriage to satisfy their own desires. However, I want to focus on a much more positive outlook.

I want you to ask yourself if you see your marriage, and other relationships, as a system of mutual support. Mutual support is both partners making effort to meet one another’s needs. Simple. Well…simple enough to say. Maybe not so simple in action.

Let’s consider some ways that we can be of mutual support to others. I have a friend who prepares and sells freeze-dried candies, and may be moving into freeze-dried herbs as well. She is very quality-conscious and goes to a lot of effort to ensure that her product is dye and gluten free. There are some candies that I really don’t like when bought retail, but after she works her magic they are really good! I would encourage you to give her product a try. I’ll put her contact info at the bottom of this page. Why am I telling you about this? I want to give her my support. I get nothing from this promotion except to know that I have helped her. I have given her my support.

Now, put that in the context of your marriage. How do you give support to your mate? In what ways do you help to meet their needs? I have gone on for years about unconditional love and how that is the most selfless way to show love to one another. I have had people challenge me on how selfless it really is because there is usually some manner of benefit, or a return for their efforts. Great! Unconditional love is defined, not by the result, but but the motive. If you reap a benefit, so much the better.

If we intentionally give our support to one another there may be a benefit, but what I’m suggesting is planning to support one another without looking for the benefit. Where there is a system of mutual support both partners are giving. Both partners are being intentional. Both are aware of what is important to one another and are willing to provide it. Here’s a profound question: Is your mate worth the effort? Do they deserve your support? Maybe there is a business like my friend mentioned above. Maybe they are working on their education. Maybe they want to learn a new language or how to cook new foods. Are you supportive or doubting? Encouraging or demeaning? Please be aware that if we are willing to give our support to those around us it might cost us something. We might have to put our plans on hold for some time. But again, are they worth it?

Is this just for marriage? Certainly not! I would hope that parents are teaching their children how to be sensitive to the needs of each other. This goes for childhood all the way into adulthood. It is tragic when adults are so caught up in their own thinking that they are blind to the needs, wants, interests or desires of others. You’re probably aware of adult siblings who are not mutually supportive of one another. Don’t you wish you could get them to take just one small step toward each other?

That is one benefit of Life Coaching. You determine your goals and what you would like to accomplish. Your Life Coach will help you reach those goals. As regards our topic today, your Life Coach will help you learn how to focus on the needs of others so that you can be supportive of them in a tangible way. If you see that this is an area of need for you, feel free contact me via the information below.

Chuck Phillips, Licensed Christian Pastoral Counselor, N.C.C.A. Board Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach, I.B.C.C.

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Freeze dried candies

Theresa Morris at Coolinary Creations. 573.291.8238. CoolinaryCreations.byTheresa@gmail.com